Today’s post is a snark about my attempt at a brilliant Christmas gift for the fella, and the company (which shall remain nameless) that ruined it. I try to avoid writing snarky posts, but I’m pretty disappointed, and there are valuable lessons to be learned, so here goes.

A few months ago, I read a story about entrepreneurs who had a great idea and a tight budget. They turned that idea into a very successful business that sells skin care products. I liked the story, but what really grabbed me was the description of what they sell.

My guy doesn’t like to shave because he has very sensitive skin. As a result, he avoids it. After about four days of beard growth, I want to stand on his chest and hack the mess off with a bread knife. He doesn’t think it’s flattering, either, and I can’t really blame him for avoiding irritated skin, so I wanted to buy him something good for his skin so shaving wouldn’t be unpleasant. I was happy to pay top dollar to do it.

Long story short: a $100 order would have cost $40 to ship. I almost spent the extra cash (I have this odd fondness for my significant other). But nearly half again to get it here, and no other shipping options? I cancelled the order process and looked for the contact page on the website.

This is where everything went into the ditch.

As I was typing a message about the hair-raising shipping cost, I got an email from the company. I set up an account at the start of the order process which automatically generated a welcome message. Imagine my delight at the offer of free shipping for orders of over $100.

No, wait. Check the fine print. Right. The offer is only good for continental USA.

I believe this is what we call “irony.”

For the non-techie types out there, here’s a tip: it’s not rocket science to capture the country code in an online database. It does not require splitting atoms to send US customers a message that includes an offer for free shipping, and a different message to the people who don’t qualify. If a company has enough cash to throw at a top-notch website, they can manage to get their auto-responder message right.

By “right” I mean not telling all your customers that people who live in a certain region get special treatment, while the rest of us can piss off. It’s the Internet. Bigshot businesses have the ability to process data immediately and respond accordingly. They can customize their message. Microbusinesses have ways to do that, too, without trashing the budget. It mostly requires more work, at least at first, but it can be done.

Now let’s put some icing on my cupcake.

When I sent my message about the high shipping cost and how it was unfortunate that no other options were available for Canadian customers, the contact page promised messages would be responded to within 24-48 hours. I sent mine on Sunday, so bump it up to the next business day. It’s not a complicated issue. They can either offer the US Postal Service as an option, or not (and if they can, it should be in the online order process). So far, no response. Do they have a backlog of messages because of the holiday gift buying season? No idea. Was my order too small to bother with? No idea.

The company also promises to send out online orders within 24-48 hours. Should I believe that? Good question.

I got another email this morning offering free shipping. I unsubscribed from the email list and deleted the message.

Here’s the big lesson: when you’re selling online (or by conventional mail-order catalogue, for that matter), take a step back and walk through your entire process, from first contact to delivery, as if you were a customer. Better yet, get a non-techie person to walk through it while you sit beside them and take notes. Every step of the way.

This is also a sound practice for in-person selling, but it’s critical when you don’t have immediate contact with your customer. When you’re face to face, the conversation is fluid. You can address problems, questions and objections in real time. When you get technology to do your talking for you, you’d better make sure you have your message sorted out and be prepared to keep your promises about delivery and response time. If you promise a certain number of days, be prepared to keep your word.

If you don’t, you could get a snarky marketing type writing a blog post about how you messed up her Christmas idea for her squeeze. If you’re really lucky, she won’t name names, because that’s not the way she rolls, but she’ll still be mad at you and won’t recommend you to anyone. She’ll also decide your remarkable story about ordinary people with an extraordinary idea has become nothing more than another faceless corporate monster, and might even decide your allegedly top-quality product is just overpriced. All because of a poorly executed online order process.

I still want to find some good skin care/shaving stuff for my fellow dog-wrangler. In the meantime, we visited our friendly Mountain Equipment Co-op store and bought ourselves new winter hiking boots for Christmas. Not very romantic, but badly needed, and happy feet are a good thing. I also bought a pair of Smartwool socks for my finicky feet. Check out their Woolology page (maybe not good for dialup connections) and play with the balls of wool.

A good cure for snarkiness is finding a company that’s committed to delighting their customers. But I won’t try to order online. At least, not today.

Related posts:

1. Rule your online domain – make your website work for you
2. The ins and outs of your first impression (part 1 – work in)
3. Online selling – how to figure out your prospects without going crazy